He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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