well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
