Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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