yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
