I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
