We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
