the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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