hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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