Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
