Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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