i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
