JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
