Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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