evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The Olympian is in my bed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
