upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
