Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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