I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
