a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
