I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
