I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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