He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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