just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
