On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
