they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
