she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
