Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
