She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
