1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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