I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
