please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
