Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
