the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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