i need an iv and a liver transplant
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
