If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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