Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my poor anus
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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