Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
