i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
