I'm gonna have a badass scar
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
