I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I want to make a zoo with you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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