I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
