Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
