Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
