She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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