I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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