I just made out with a guy for $7.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
