So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
