Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
