Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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