Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
