I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
