i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
